Pragmatism
by Bianca Castafarina
Summary: Tintin/Haddock SLASH. This story is set at Marlinspike Hall during the book "The Castafiore Emerald". Suddenly retired, Tintin realizes he has been a virgin for too long and decides to do something about it. Romance ensues!
1. Chapter 1

**1.**

I hadn't used my typewriter in such a long time that I was wondering if I deserved to be called a reporter at all. In fact, I had almost forgotten that I was a reporter, after closely escaping death in South America; the nerve-racking journey to the moon and the arduous expedition to Tibet – there had never been time to take notes, much less to conduct interviews. But now the _Paris__Gazette_ had requested a detailed report about the moon landing from me, and having not much else to do here at Marlinspike Hall, I had gladly accepted the job.

The sun was shining through the tall windows in my bedroom. I sat at the large, Tudor-style study desk, the Siamese cat curled up sleeping on my lap, and listening to the typewriter as I worked. From the room across the hallway I heard Igor practising scales. He was part of the entourage of the diva Bianca Castafiore who had come to visit here a few days ago.

With the diva came a bunch of annoying reporters. Though Nestor had strict instructions to not let any more reporters in, some always found a way into the castle and questioned us about Bianca's and Captain Haddock's presumed wedding plans.

I heard people talking in the hallway downstairs, then the Captain's voice roaring „Blistering barnacles! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE AGAIN?"

They would be gone in a while, so I focused on my report.

„TINTIN!" I heard him scream.

Sighing, I pushed the cat from my lap and got up. What in hell?

„Get here, Tintin, you're needed!"

What was going on? Wasn't the Captain's impressive collection of swearwords enough to chase the reporters away? What did he need my help for?

There were many more people downstairs than I had anticipated. At least a dozen reporters were surrounding the Captain in his wheelchair, taking notes and photos, drowning him in questions. Nestor rushed towards me. „I'm very sorry", he said. „I thought it was the delivery for the dinner roast so I opened the door... Shall I call the police?"

„That won't be necessary, Nestor", I said. „I'm going to give the reporters some answers, then they'll be happy to leave." I walked towards the Captain and the reporters. „Now what is it, gentlemen? As we told you before, there is no wedding planned between Archibald Haddock and Bianca Castafiore. I'm afraid there is nothing to write about."

„I understand you want to keep the wedding a secret", an eager-looking young reporter said. He reminded me much of myself. „After all, it's going to be a surprise, right? But we have trustworthy sources-"

„Mr Tintin, are you going to be his best man?", another asked.

„Will you wait until your sprained ankle has healed, Mr Haddock?"

„What dress is she planning to wear?"

„Now listen, you dim-witted parasitic tramps! I won't _ever_ marry the Castafiore, and you know why? Because I've been engaged to someone else for a long time!"

For a moment there was silence. The reporters looked dumbfounded. I didn't say anything, just smiled to myself. Sure, what he said sounded lame and he said it just to drive them away, and after all, I truly didn't care what the magazines wrote.

Haddock grabbed my arm. „See this young man? That's my boyfriend! Yes, that's right, you sensationalist morons! Tintin is my longtime boyfriend!"

Before I could protest, the Captain pulled me down towards him and kissed me. Hard. On the mouth. His lips were dry and cracked, and his beard felt scratchy against my skin. I heard someone gasp.

I pulled back quickly in the same instant as he let me go, then I looked into the round of stunned reporters. No one had photographed us; this action had taken them – as well as me - completely by surprise. I stared at the Captain.

„Convinced now?" he said in a gruff voice. „I'm not going to marry the Castafiore! And now GET OUTTA HERE!"

The reporters didn't move. „I SAID GET OUT!" Haddock shouted, moving forward in his weelchair. „Thousand thundering typhoons! Get lost, you pirates! Dunderheaded coconuts! Cannibals! Bootleggers! Caterpillars! Ectoplasms! Eggheads! Macrocephalic baboons!"

And indeed, the reporters hurried outside at last, still too dumbfounded to ask any more questions. Nestor closed the door behind them.

„Ha!" The Captain grinned smugly. „Now they won't bother us anymore, won't they, lad? Now I need some Loch Lomond. Nestor..!"

- To be continued -


	2. Chapter 2

2.

I couldn't focus on the report anymore. How could the Captain possibly have known?

How could he have known that I've wondered for some time how it would be to do something like … that? My life had been so chaotic ever since I was a teenager in the Congo that I'd never entertained the idea of getting intimate with someone else. I'd been a virgin all my life, taking care of my own needs when I happened to be alone. Only for the past few weeks here at Marlinspike Hall, unaccustomed to the quiet life of retirement, I had wondered how not being a virgin felt like. There wasn't much to do here, except writing reports and searching Bianca Castafiore's missing jewelry.

For the Captain this was the perfect life (minus Jolyon Wagg and Bianca Castafiore, of course). Reading books, riding, drinking and smoking the pipe. But I was too young for retirement. I'd always longed for adventures.

And I was perfectly comfortable with my own feelings and sexuality so I could easily admit it to myself: I'd long fantasized about an adventure with the Captain. Not in Tibet, not on the moon, but here at Marlinspike Hall. An adventure in a big 18th century four-poster bed.

I stared at the typewriter and the half-filled paper sheet, my mind full of possible explanations, ideas and fantasies.

Damnit, I thought to myself. Relax, it means nothing. Absolutely nothing! The Captain just wanted to prove a point. I was there, he kissed me just to prove a point. He'd never even consider going any further...

Or would he? In all the years I'd known him there had never been a woman (or even man) in his life. He had no affairs. Perhaps he was having the same ideas that I had, but was too ashamed to even admit it to himself.

„Damnit, Tintin", I murmured to myself, „don't get carried away. That kiss means nothing. If he'd been serious, he would've done it in private, not in front of a dozen buffoons. It changes nothing. Focus on your work."


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I'd like to point out that the whole "Bianca Castafiore planting rumours of a wedding in order to prevent anyone noticing the TintinxHaddock love relationship" is actually the idea of the awesome kindkit. You can (should!) read her fanfiction here:

_kindkit. dreamwidth. org/ 134774. html_

(without the spaces in the URL). It's very short but very beautiful.

In my story here, the difference is that they're not having a relationship - yet.

3.

„Just one more week to go", I heard Captain Haddock mumble to himself. „One more week, then I'm free..." He was referring not only to Bianca Castafiore, but also to the plaster cast around his foot and ankle. Since he absolutely refused to be dependent on anyone to help him upstairs, he temporarily occupied one of the downstairs guest rooms from where the bathroom and dining room could be reached easily – and of course, it was easy to go outside, a necessity in those days when it was impossible to escape Bianca's singing exercises. They sounded through the entire castle.

On top of that, she had insisted that the parrot be his company at all times, so it sat there next to Captain Haddock, learning new curses.

I brought him tobacco, and a book which I put onto the couch table. „Thanks", he murmured without looking at me. He'd been feeling awkward around me ever since he kissed me a few days ago; I could tell that. He was not a man capable of hiding his emotions.

But I didn't feel awkward at all. No, I felt eager; my longing for adventure had come back. This was exciting.

„How about going outside for a walk, Captain?" I suggested. „The weather is splendid."

„No thanks", he replied, stuffing tobacco into the pipe.

I sat down on the chair in front of him. „All right, I guess I should finally tell you."

He stared at me. „What?"

„When you kissed me... I was really surprised. I mean, who wouldn't be? But I kind of liked it, and I want to do it again."

He almost dropped the pipe and tobacco jar. „A billion blistering barnacles...! Tintin! Why?"

„Because I've got no experience", I said. „It was my first kiss. That's right, my first one. I'm still a virgin at 25, and it's starting to bother me. I want to do something about it."

„A _virgin_?" he shouted. „Goodness gracious!" For a moment he was speechless, his cheeks reddening. Then he said, „Tintin..."

„It's all right, Captain. I just want one kiss."

„Virgin, virgin", croaked the parrot.

„Shut up, vermin", he growled at the bird. Regaining some composure, he finally gave me a stern look and said, „I'm not the one you should ask about this, lad. Damn it.. a _virgin_! And I'm not sure you fully realize what you're asking. Don't you want someone more of _your_ age, instead of a... er, grumpy old sea lion like me? I mean, I... hell, I'm old enough to be your dad!"

„Really, it's fine, Captain. Just teach me how to do the kissing thing. I know you've done it before, but I haven't, and I really want to learn it."

„You're really pragmatic about this, aren't you?"

I smiled at him. „Yes." I knew that Haddock had plenty of experience, or at least pretended to. After a few drinks he sometimes talked about the adventures he'd had in his younger days; how some sailors would get involved with each other when the ship was at sea for a long time. It was strictly for satisfaction, he'd always said. No romance, no fluffy emotional stuff. Men had certain needs and if there were no women around, they had to take care of it for themselves. Only when the ship had anchored in some port they went to explore the brothels and women.

I got up and before he could object I sat on his lap, straddling him, my arms around his neck. He didn't move. I brought my face close to his, watched his reaction. Suddenly I felt uncertain. What if he pushed me away? If he rejected me, my dreams would always be dreams, nothing more.

He put one hand on the back of my neck and another on my knee; it felt rough and yet his touch was gentle. The new sensation sent a rush of pleasurable warmth to my stomach and further below. But his whole body seemed tense – clearly he was much more nervous and insecure than he wanted to appear. Then he kissed me, more clumsily and stiffly than before, like an inexperienced schoolboy and pulled away as abruptly as he'd started it.

„Relax, Captain." I stroked his neck and shoulders, then took his face in my hands. I would have to take the lead. He didn't resist. I kissed him onto the mouth – gently, lingering, the way I had imagined how my first kiss should have been – while slowly caressing his hair and neck. This caused him to relax, he leant back further into the upholstered armchair, pulling me with him. He smelled of tobacco and shampoo and something else I couldn't define, but it was essentially _male._ On the few occassions when I was close enough to smell him I'd always found it irresistibly attractive because it was something that I, with my boyish looks and voice, felt I didn't have.

I opened my mouth a bit and to my surprise Haddock did the same. Our tongues met, and within moments they were entangled. It felt warmer, more wet than I had imagined.

My initiative must have encouraged him, for he suddenly turned into a daredevil, seizing me firmly around the waist with one arm, his other hand grabbing my hair. He kissed me hungrily for what seemed like a long time, pressing my body against his. I felt his hands trailing down my back, then his firm grip on my bottom. My arousal was growing, and with a low moan I rubbed my erection on him as far as his tight embrace would allow.

Our faces separated, and I realized how hot my cheeks felt. Surely I was looking flushed like a young woman. He looked at me, unconcealed lust in his gaze, his arms still wrapped around my body. His own hardness was pressing against me.

I wasn't in control of the situation anymore. If it wasn't for his sprained ankle in a plaster cast, he could easily have pinned me down on the small couch table and have had his way with me. But amazingly I did not care. I was so thrilled, so turned on by the mere idea of having sex with him, even more so than in my daydreams, because this possibility was real.

„Captain..." I breathed heavily.

Suddenly I heard the voices outside the door. _Voices!_ I recoiled from Haddock. There was a loud knocking. Quickly I stumbled back onto the empty chair where I had sat previously, and grabbed the book, positioning it over my lap in a way that would hide the bulge in my plus fours as efficiently as possible.

„WHO, AND WHY?" shouted the Captain at the door.

„But, my dear Captain Kapok, you know it's me!" Bianca Castafiore opened the door and walked daintily towards us, beaming and carrying a large tray full of cookies. „Irma brought those from Milano – _Baci __di __dama_ they are called, and I thought you might want to try some! Actually, they are for the television team but there is plenty for all of us! "

Haddock uttered something like a low growl.

Bianca turned towards me. „My dear Tintin, how red your face is! Are you all right? I hope you aren't ill! It would be so awful if something contagious were to make rounds here just when Supavision is due tomorrow. Your hair is looking quite tousled, make sure you get a comb just in case they interview you too, my darling little famous reporter!"

„Uh... er, yes, madam", I stammered.

„Virgin!", cawed the parrot.

„Oh you naughty boys!" Bianca Castafiore grinned, and for a split second I feared that she might indeed suspect what we had just done. Heavens, what had we done? We had made out like horny teenagers. Suddenly afraid that my face was already telling all, I didn't know what to say.

„You're teaching Iago all sorts of naughty words, aren't you?" She giggled. „That's why you're looking so embarassed, aren't you, my young friends! Well, boys will be boys! I must go practice with Wagner now. Have a nice day, Captain Naddock and enjoy the _baci_!"

Still beaming, she left the room, and closed the door.

Neither of us said a word. The Captain did not look at me. „Thundering typhoons", he muttered, „that was awfully damn close."

„Damn close", I repeated, suddenly afraid to touch him again. It was too risky. This door could not be locked - what if someone had stumbled upon us at the wrong moment? What if we had gone further, forgetting that we were not alone in this huge mansion? The terrible idea of someone discovering us hit my mind with full force. This must not be allowed to happen. No one must find out that this ever happened between me and Captain Haddock. This, and whatever more was going to happen in the future.

„Tintin", the Captain said. „This wasn't a good idea."

„What do you mean?"

„This is... this is wrong. Look... if you are indeed as innocent as you say... You have no idea! What men do to each other...You don't know how _dangerous_ it can be-"

„Dangerous?" I almost laughed incredulously. Here I sat, someone who had taken apart drug cartels, barely escaped death on a scaffold, survived in scorching deserts and the Himalaya, and all this before my 25th birthday. „Captain, I told you before it's all right. I may look like a boy, but I'm not. I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm more mature than..." _Than__ you_, I almost said, but caught myself. „Well, more mature than some adults. I want you, Captain." I put my hand on his knee.

He pushed my hand away. „Don't touch me!"

His words stung me, but I told myself that he needed time. I probably had been too daring, at least for the time being. Haddock could never have guessed that I had those desires towards him.

„Well... I'll leave you alone now." I got up and walked towards the door. „Snowy needs a walk. Sure you don't want to come along?"

He did not react. Careful, Tintin, I told myself. He is not ready for this. You're just a curious young lad who has the hots for his much older friend. Stay pragmatic about this. Give it time. You'll be able to stay friends, for sure.

I closed the door and went to look for Snowy.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

I didn't mind the awkwardness. After all, it was Haddock's awkwardness, not mine. Luckily, no reporters had bothered us ever since he gave them the surprise of their lives. Sometimes I worried they might actually write an article about us both, but since they didn't even have a photograph to prove anything, I was sure that no accusations could possibly be made.

We were sitting at the table in the dining room, eating breakfast (toast with fried eggs, courtesy of Nestor), and reading the national newspaper _Le __Soir_ when our quiet morning was interrupted by Bianca Castafiore. She wore a pink dressing gown on top of a nightgown and was waving a magazine in her hand. „My dear Tintin, dearest Captain Havoc", she said, seating herself right next to us. „Do leave us alone for a moment, please, Nestor."

„Very well, madame." Nestor left the room.

Bianca looked at our surprised faces, assuming a stern look. „I'm glad to finally catch a moment alone with you."

Dear God! I imagined the worst. Were there already rumours...?

„I must say, I'm quite disappointed", she began. „I did my best to distract the magazines with a nice little story about our wedding, and suddenly things go wrong."

„What do you mean?" I asked.

„Here, see for yourself." She spread the magazine out in front of me, and I began to read.

„Let me see it!" Haddock demanded.

„Wait, wait..." My face went pale as I read.

PARIS FLASH

_Illustrated Lifestyle Magazine – 11/1961_

THE HADDOCK AFFAIR.

Scandalous relationships at Marlinspike Hall? Paris Flash investigates!

September 18, 1961. Where previously there was much talk about an alleged wedding of Milanese opera singer Bianca Castafiore (51) to the retired millionaire admiral Archibald Haddock (46), the wedding rumours have subsided and more serious concerns are surfacing. It has long been known that the world-renowned young reporter Tintin (25) is cohabiting with Haddock at Marlinspike, but not until last Sunday we saw definite evidence about an inappropiate relationship between the two. Eleven reporters from various national and international publications testify to have seen Haddock kissing his young friend like a lover in public. Upon further investigation by Paris Flash, their longtime assistant Professor Calculus revealed to our reporter that, indeed, these two have had this kind of relationship for years; and that yes, Tintin may have become emotionally dependent on the much older Admiral Haddock. Should the affair have started before Tintin came of age, Haddock may face charges for the seduction of a minor. Reliable sources confirm that his volatile nature and instable temper, combined with longtime addiction to alcohol, might have driven him to seek comfort in the innocent affection of an inexperienced youth, coercing him into an abusive homosexual affair...

„Great snakes!" I exclaimed. I must have become quite pale, for the Captain looked at me with so much concern that he forgot to snatch the magazine from me.

„Outrageous, isn't it?" said Bianca.

„Let me read that!" Haddock shouted and for a moment I paused. If he read this... but then, he would get hear about it anyway, so I gave him the magazine.

„You know..." I said to Bianca, regaining some composure, „It is not true, please believe me. The Captain and I, we don't have a homosexual relationship; we never had-"

„BILLIONS OF BLUE BLISTERING BARNACLES!" cried the Captain. I noted that he, too, had turned pale as he read the article.

„We've never been lovers", I said weakly to Bianca.

To my astonishment, she laughed. It was an amused, friendly laugh. „But, but, my dear Tintin!" she said. „Have you never noticed?"

I was bewildered. „What?"

She giggled. „Captain Maddock, to me it has _always_ been clear that you're hopelessly in love with the young whippersnapper!"

I stared at her, even more bewildered.

Captain Haddock's face turned from pale to red. „Madame, I don't know... whatever you-"

„Ha ha ha, don't pretend otherwise, dear Captain. Now, in all seriousness, don't you see that it was my plan to make everyone believe I would marry you? I knew there would be reporters coming to Marlinspike, and with you and Tintin living together, of course there would be rumours! So I tried to divert their attention to our wedding plans and planted rumours about us. Now I don't understand what went wrong. What, for goodness' sake, did you do, Captain?"

Haddock seemed upset, but remained quiet. If this charming lady hadn't been present, he'd be jumping around and yelling curses right now. „Well..." he mumbled, pouring himself a glass of whisky. „There's some truth in that article – I really did kiss him..."

Bianca brought the palm of her hand to her forehead.

„ ...in front of a dozen reporters. To make them stop bothering us."

„Oh dear Captain Paddock, what have you done?" She raised her hands in a theatrical gesture. „_Mamma __mia!_ Now they will be more persistent than ever! They will interview your arch-enemies, if they haven't already done so. They'll fake photographs, speculate about exotic sexual practices...! Believe me, I know those magazines. Always quick to destroy a reputation at the slightest hint of scandal. Your life will be hell if you don't either do some damage control, or escape to the other side of the planet until the gossip has died down."

I stared at the toast on my plate. My appetite had vanished.

The Captain sighed and emptied his glass of whisky. „Alright, alright", he said. „But how the hell do you know... I mean, why the hell do you think that I could be in love with Tintin?"

Again, the diva giggled like a schoolgirl. „But it's obvious! I am no blind fool, my dear! You're attached to the young man in the sweetest way I have ever seen. You're always at his side to protect him, and I remember how he told me you were ready to sacrifice yourself for his sake in Tibet! Plus, I notice the way you look at him."

„Madame Castafiore", I said, feeling how my face became hot. „This has nothing to do with the article."

„Of course not, my dear Tintin, I was just observing-"

„This article is pure slander!" I was becoming angry. If they'd only speculate whether we had a relationship or not, I might have written the whole thing off as an „oops!" moment; but here they implied – no, they _claimed_! - that Captain Haddock was a pervert who was taking advantage of me. It was the grandest piece of bullshit I had ever read in my entire life. How could they? How _dared_ they do such a thing to him?

It might be true, though, what Bianca said. Could he really be in love with me? Sure, he was the most caring person I knew, hiding behind a gruff exterior, but... _love_? How would she recognize that? Or in other words – had I been blind to it? In any case, I knew I could rely on him to save me even before saving a bottle of whisky.

„Regarding damage control" I said. „Madame Castafiore, you are the expert. What do we do next?"

.

.

.

As soon as Bianca had left, I asked him. „Captain... is it true what she said? About... you?"

He looked around as if to assure himself that we were truly alone. Then he stared at the empty shot glass, then at the whisky bottle. „Well, I could as well tell you now", he said. Finally he looked at me. „Yes, Tintin, I love you. Always have."

Just what I had feared. Personally, I wasn't even sure about my feelings. I knew that I was attracted to men, and very curious about how it would be to get intimate with someone else, but I couldn't quite figure out if I just wanted to share my bed with him _once_, or if I was ready for lifelong commitment and regular sex. It wouldn't be the same as friendship, would it?

„I've always loved you", he repeated. I had never seen this earnest look on his face before. Though he'd just had whisky, he appeared fully sober. „You're the most precious person in the world to me, Tintin. And yes, I want to do those... things you asked me to. I've always wanted you, actually. But..."

As I had guessed. The reaction of his body, when we kissed, had been unmistakable.

„But I don't want an adventure", he continued. „Nothing like what teenage boys do when they explore each other. I want you as my lover, like between adults."

„Your lover?" Indeed, now I was the one who wasn't ready. „You mean..."

„Yes, your boyfriend! I want us both to retire together as partners until we're both grumpy old men. We'll never be able to marry but who cares!"

„Captain, I don't... I don't want to settle down yet. I still get commissions from the _Paris __Gazette_. I want to see the world-"

„And I don't", he said. „It is too dangerous. You've nearly gotten yourself killed countless times, and I don't want you to face such perils again! What if you _died_ next time? Thundering typhoons!"

„I'm not ready", I said. „I've never thought about having a lover. Let me think about this..."

„Never thought about having a lover, eh?" He reached for the whisky bottle again. „So you want to fuck me... but you don't want to commit."

Damn it. What could I say? I was a curious, horny young man who wanted nothing more than the next adventure; who had signed up for the retired life at Marlinspike only temporarily, waiting to be sent away to faraway countries to solve puzzles for the _Paris__Gazette_. Maybe the Captain was right. If he was in love with me, he would naturally want more than an one-time adventure in a large, 18th century four-poster bed.

I sat at the table for a few minutes, holding my head in my hands while he was getting drunk. We wanted different things. It wasn't going to work like this.

_Blistering barnacles!_


	5. Chapter 5

5.

As Bianca had predicted, the reporters became even more persistent. During the visit of the Supavision TV team another reporter had managed to sneak inside the chateau, and I did my best to use the damage control methods that Bianca Castafiore had told me about.

„It's just _deny,__deny,__deny_", she had said. „You deny everything, and do so with a smile on your face, _always_! Don't even _look_ like you're taking them seriously. You must keep dignity at all costs. Pretend that you're surrounded by rumours every day and you're so used to them, they're all insignificant. At worst, they're just annoying."

At least Captain Haddock had managed to escape to his upstairs bedroom with my help where he kept hidden until the TV team had finished. If his foot weren't in a plaster cast he would have gone to the village pub.

„Do you have a moment, Mr Tintin?" the reporter asked while I was watching the recording on the screens in the adjacent room. „I'd just like to ask you a few questions-"

„No, please excuse me."

Professor Calculus was standing next to me, staring at the TV sets. „Why, you installed television! Three sets at once! And you never even told me...?"

„Mr Tintin", the reporter said, „about your homosexual relationship with Commodore Haddock. You can talk openly to me. We at _Life__ Magazine_ respect your privacy and would never print anything you didn't say. So we'd like to get the facts accurate."

„Haddock and I are not lovers", I said, remembering to smile politely. „There is no homosexual relationship between us. Is that clear now?"

The reporter made a note. „Absolutely clear. Thank you."

I smiled to myself. Finally, one who got it. What part of „not lovers" could he possibly not understand?

„Just one more question", he said. „This is quite personal, a taboo topic, but we feel that by talking more about it a lot of crime could be prevented. Tell me, did Mr Haddock ever assault you?"

„What the f...?" I almost forgot my manners, then I remembered Bianca's mantra of _dignity,__deny,__dignity,__deny._„I will answer no more questions from you, sir. Please leave me now. I want to watch the recording."

„There's no need to be ashamed" he said. „A lot of young men have known an aggressive homosexual at least once in their lives, and there are many who stay with someone who abuses them-"

„Get out of here!"

„It is not your fault, Mr Tintin. If you are the victim-"

„GET OUT, or I will show you 'victim'!"

He hurried outside, and I tried to calm down but the anger in my head wouldn't subside.

_Keep __cool_, I told myself, _it's __not __like __you're__ obligated__ to__ talk__ to __them._

Indeed, I hadn't talked to many reporters yet. Nestor didn't let any inside Marlinspike Hall anymore, and in the few phone calls I had accepted I'd only said the same thing over and over again, „We're not lovers. ... No, he never molested me."

How did they even get those outrageous ideas? I was so angry that I didn't trust myself around the TV team anymore. Just a break, that was all I needed. I went upstairs, almost falling over the goddamned broken step, and walked straight into the Captain's bedroom. He sat on his bed (also a large wooden 18th century four-poster bed, just like mine), reading a fishing manual. „Why, hello, Tintin. Trying to flee the pirate invasion, eh? Ha ha ha!" Finally being able to enjoy some rest had put him in a good mood.

I didn't say anything, pulling off my shoes and laying myself down next to him. Just a little break for my sanity, that was all I needed. I curled up next to him, laying one hand on his chest and digging my face into his side.

„Hey, what's the matter, Tintin?" he said.

„I just need a moment", I mumbled.

„Pardon? Didn't hear ya."

I sat up on the bed. „I can't stand it anymore!" I shouted. „I can't stand this bullshit anymore! They're all speculating that we have something... something twisted... _perverted_ going on!"

„Sshh, calm down. Nestor won't let any more reporters in-"

„I got thirteen phone calls today! _Thirteen_! And it's not even afternoon yet!"

„You need to relax. Come here." He opened his arms.

I threw myself in his embrace, burying my face in his blue jersey. I had longed for this. To feel him again, to smell him again. Damn, I wanted him so badly, and now that I was angry I wanted him even more. But I'd settle for comfort this time, because I needed that too.

For a moment we lay there quietly. He was holding me in his arms like a child, my head on his chest. Actually, it was funny: Usually he was the one getting angry or upset about something and I was the one who had to calm him down. Now it was the other way around. I had considered locking myself in my room too, but that would mean leaving poor Nestor and incompetent Calculus alone to deal with the TV team. Furthermore, if I was gone together with Haddock the reporters would have even more to speculate about.

„Thundering typhoons, I've rarely seen you so upset, lad", he said. „Just forget about it. Soon they will stop bothering us."

I nodded. It wasn't so much their persistence that bothered me, but their ideas. But he was right. Eventually they would stop.

„I just can't stand to have them write that much bullshit about you", I muttered. „I thought about suing the magazines. All of them. It's slander, and it's illegal. Essentially they're inviting the police over here to interrogate you."

„You're afraid of that?"

Of course I was afraid, but not of the police. _Captain, __I__ don't__ want __anyone __to __say__ such__ things __about __you__ – __about __us._

Homosexual activities had been legal in Belgium since 1795 but with the wide publicity we now had – there were now several more magazine articles about us - who knew what our enemies could possibly conceive?

.

.

.

The following week, the doctor visited us and removed the plaster cast from the Captain's foot. Bianca had announced that she would leave soon, and Haddock was overjoyed to be rid of two annoyances at once. I had rarely seen him in such a splendid mood.

While I was going to bring away the wheelchair, the doctor approached me. „Mr Tintin, I hope you don't mind me mentioning it", he said, „but being a doctor, I know quite a lot about homosexuality. It's considered to be physically harmless nowadays, but I have had patients who felt burdened with this condition, just like you. It often causes depression. But there happen to be ways to correct it..."

_What?_

_Not __him __too!_ I felt my anger rise. Would those magazine articles follow me until the end of my life?

Calm down, Tintin, calm down, I told myself. It's not his fault. That chap doesn't know any better. They're all reading the same papers and believing every word of it.

„She's going, she's going!" I heard Haddock sing in the hallway. „She's go-go-go-going away! Hip hip hip hooray! This is my lucky day!"

He was so happy. Of course, he had taken no phone calls and had read no magazines in the past two weeks...

Whatever happened, he deserved to be happy.

I felt myself relax. „You know what, Doctor?" I said, remembering to smile. „Actually, I don't feel burdened by anything at all. So, please don't worry about me. I love Captain Haddock very much and would never think of _correcting_ anything."

„Yesyesyes, of course, sir", the doctor said hastily, grinning awkwardly. „My apologies, sir."

„All right, thank you. Send us your bill." I went to carry the wheelchair back to the attic.

.

.

.

The next morning, Bianca Castafiore left for Milan.

The Captain seemed happier than ever, taking every opportunity to walk and dance around (carefully avoiding the broken step) with his healed ankle.

We had gotten a few more phone calls and there were still reporters ringing our doorbell, but Nestor efficiently kept them out.

I began to realize that the whole publicity drama hadn't really done anything to our relationship. We were still friends, and he hadn't brought up the topic of love again, perhaps out of respect for me. And I hadn't tried anything too daring again, out of respect for him.

The only daring thing was the decision I had just made. It was probably crazy, but I had a feeling that it had to be done.

With a notepad of telephone numbers I walked towards the little table with the telephone and dialed the first number.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

My plan had worked. They were all here, the reporters from _Paris__ Flash,__ Paris__ Gazette,__ Life__ Magazine,__ De__ Nieuwe__ Gazet,__ Brol, __Spectator, __Choc,__ OK!Magazine,__ Stars, __Jet __Magazine,__ Flair,__ Savante_, and half a dozen more, all at once. They sat around the table in the drawing room, sipping tea, and looking at me with rapt attention. One had brought a fancy tape recorder and a microphone which was waiting on the table; most had brought their cameras.

I told Nestor to fetch the Captain. As Captain Haddock entered the room, he was speechless for a moment, staring at the invasion of reporters who were staring back at him.

„TINTIN!" he shouted. „What in the name of one billion blue blistering barnacles!"

„Ssshh, Captain!" I rushed towards him, putting my hands on his shoulders. „Come here, sit down with them. It will be alright. I have a plan. Trust me."

He stared at me as if I had just told him that there was no more whisky in the world, but then he sat down and waited for what was to come.

I switched on the tape recorder and took the microphone. „Dear representatives of the press, I want to thank you for taking your time to listen to my official statement", I began. „Please, feel free to take photographs. As you already know, there have been a lot of rumours about me and Captain Haddock. I don't want to elaborate on them, as they're quite irrelevant. What you will now hear is the truth, and nothing but the truth, from the first-hand source of yours truly.

I am most pleased to announce that from today on, Captain Haddock will be my boyfriend. Yes, gentlemen, that means 'lover'. I have thought about it a lot and concluded that there is no reason why we shouldn't be together. I always have cared deeply about him, more than about any other friend I've ever had. On all the journeys we've experienced together we went through life-threatening situations more than once and I don't know if I would have made it through these adventures without him. Whatever terrible things may have happened to us, they have only strengthened our bond. He is the most loyal friend I've known and even was willing to sacrifice his life for me in Tibet."

The reporters were staring at me with large eyes. I knew I had their full attention.

„I love him, and I want us to stay together until our death. I must say that I never notice the great age difference between us, because I never felt that he was like a father to me – I've always regarded him as my equal, and he has always respected me in the same way.

And I was no longer a boy when we first met, not even a teenager, but a young man who'd just gotten comfortable with the fact that he is a homosexual. I mean _myself_, not the Captain, gentlemen! But of course I was thrilled to learn most recently that he desires me in the same way. Yes, dear audience, I look forward to sharing my bed with him!

What more can I say? He may not always show it, but he is a perfect gentleman if there ever was one. Not a single time he has made any inappropiate advance towards me – and there were plenty of occasions! He drinks less arounds me and treats me with so much kindness and tenderness that sometimes I'm not sure if I deserve this – after all, I can be a manipulating rascal at times – but I want to do the same for him. I want to show him how much I love him. If we were able to marry each other, I would marry him right here and now.

And that, my dear press representatives, is all I have to say. I hope it answers any questions you may have had. Thank you for listening, and have a good day. Feel free to ask me any time for a copy of the tape. Nestor will show you the way out."

I smiled and enjoyed the stunned silence, then I hugged Captain Haddock, holding him tightly in my arms. To my surprise, there were no camera flashes. _Whatever __may __come __now, __I__ don't __care._ Somehow, in some way, I felt I had done the right thing.

I looked at him, noticing how his eyes were slightly red. „My damn pollen allergy again", he mumbled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

The reporters around the table just stared at us. Again I gave them a happy smile. Finally, one of them quietly said, „That was beautiful."

Two more reporters nodded. One began to clap his hands lightly.

Most of the gentlemen had forgotten to take notes, or paused in the progress of taking notes, so there wasn't much rustling of paper as they all got up, ready to leave. But it seemed to me that every single one wanted to shake our hands, even if they did not have much to say. Only one of them showed how touched he was. „I am a homosexual too", he whispered to me, stifling a sob. „Been one ever since I was little, but no one knows, not even my wife! I wish I were more like you, Mr Tintin! I always knew you were a noble personality who stands up for others, and obviously you also know how to stand up for yourself! I wish I were like that...!"

.

.

When the reporters had left, the Captain couldn't wait to hear it from me again. „Tintin... Are you serious? I mean, do you really mean...?"

„Yes", I replied. „I've thought about it, and made up my mind. I want to be yours."

Whereupon he hugged me awkwardly but firmly and kissed me. We stood like that in the hallway for a while, embracing like lovers and snogging like randy teenagers, until I remembered that Nestor or Calculus might walk in upon us at any moment – but then I realized that I truly didn't care anymore.

„Well..." the Captain finally said, glancing at the door. „Do you suppose now they'll stop writing that hare-brained balderdash about us?"

„I shan't care anymore. Let them write whatever they want."

„All right. I'll do my best not to care either."

Dear God, I wanted him so much. I had to make a focused effort to _not_ put my hands under his jersey right here and now. I had seen him half-naked before and it was fascinating how he looked so different from me – a robust build with strong arms and legs, and quite hairy too. Indeed, he looked _manly_, as opposed to me. But I had never actually touched him, not like a lover – I had only fantasized about it countless times.

„Let's go to my bedroom, Captain."


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I've warned you about SLASH already, but would like to say it again: The following is not intended for the eyes of minors, and would make poor Hergé turn in his grave at least five times. Still unimpressed? Well then, read on! :D

Also, a note about the last paragraph. I'd like to apologize to all Japanese readers: _Gomen__ nasai!_ I've got nothing against Japan. Quite the opposite.

.

.

.

7.

Finally, that bottle of British almond oil from Harris and Co., London, that I kept on the small night-table next to my bed would serve some other purpose than just to keep my face moisturized. I knew what people did in bed – I had read about it in books by Petronius, Oscar Wilde and Pietro Aretino. Yet I had never actually seen any sex acts, so to me the entire matter was still quite mysterious.

The Captain sat on my bed next to me. „Are you really sure you want this?"

„Yes, I am!" I started taking off my clothes. When I was aware how he gazed at me, I undressed more slowly and smiled. „Or is there something you're afraid of?"

„Me, afraid?" He moved closer to me as I removed my socks and plus fours. Now I was naked, except for my undershorts. He caressed my face, cautiously, as if he'd never touched it before, then let his hands trail along my upper body. „What should I be afraid of?"

„Well, with those amounts of whisky you consume..." I knew I was going to provoke him – and it was exactly what I wanted. „Alcohol can cause impotence, you know?"

Instantly he pushed me onto the bed, kneeling over me, his hands next to my head. His face was so close to mine that I only would have to move up my head an inch to kiss him. „Blistering barnacles, are you calling me _impotent_?" He touched me again, rougher this time, and I shuddered with pleasure as his hands explored my entire body, finally pulling away my undershorts.

„Captain..." I panted.

„I'll show you _impotent_", he muttered, grabbing my right hand and pressing it onto his erection. It felt hard and ready through his pants. „Here, feel this!"

Damn, his pants were in the way! I fumbled around, trying to open them, but was instantly distracted by his hands on my own hardness. I surrendered to the hot tightness of his grip, the quick movement as he stroked me in the same way I had done so often when fantasizing about him.

„Ah...!" I couldn't hold back my voice any longer.

It was thrilling to be under him like this. The feeling of being exposed, of being at his mercy, sent a rush of excitement through me. Because I loved and trusted him, I could submit to him with a clear conscience - me, the strong and independent young man who would otherwise never think of submission to anyone, ever!

That was the reason why it was such a turn-on. I wanted him to take me, to have his way with me, to ravish me, as I had imagined many times.

„Captain...! Ah! Wait... or I won't last!"

He paused, laying down on top of me, and pressing his body closer to mine so I could feel his erection against my stomach.

„Tell me what you want, Tintin."

„You. Naked."

For a moment he seemed as if he wasn't sure if I really meant this – but great snakes, I did mean it! - then he took off his jersey. I couldn't take my gaze off his body. He was so well built, much stronger and sturdier than me, with a lot more hair. He even had tattoos, and for a split second I felt a tad insecure. He was looking so much manlier, sexier, more _badass_ than me.

„Damnit, you're so beautiful", the Captain said, staring at my naked body. „Such smooth skin. Incredible."

„Your pants-" I said, continueing to fumble with the zipper. Finally I managed to open them, giving his erection the space it needed. Seen from where I lay, his member looked quite big – could it perhaps be too big? - but it was too late to stop now. „I want you", I said. „Please. Now." I spread my legs so he could position himself between them.

„Tintin... are you sure...?"

„Yes, damnit!" I almost shouted, hugging his broad shoulders, pulling him closer to me. I wanted him so much, it was unbearable.

He pushed my thighs apart further, rubbing himself against me.

„Waitwait, Captain, wait!" I suddenly remembered. „The oil!"

He paused while I awkwardly reached for the small bottle on the table next to the bed.

„Here, let me do this." I moved back under him a bit until I could reach his erection more easily, then splashed some of the oil on my hands and rubbed it over his manhood, amazed how hard and hot it felt. I even stroked him longer than necessary, hoping to hear how much he liked this.

„Now?" he asked. His breathing went heavy.

I nodded. Again he knelt between my legs. He put his big rough hands under my bottom, lifting me up a few centimetres. I embraced him tightly, feeling his body heat and scratchy beard on my shoulder, while he tried to enter me.

It wasn't easy but I tried to relax – Haddock pushing hard against me felt bigger than I'd anticipated. _Relax,__ Tintin, __relax..._I didn't like to admit it but I was a little scared of the stretch soon to come.

„Your finger..." I panted. „Try using a finger..."

He reached down with his hand, pressing one finger inside me.

The feeling was strange at first, but when he felt around inside me, pushing deeper, it was like he'd found a spot where the touch sent a pleasurable sensation through my entire body.

„Yes", I breathed, barely containing a moan. _More...!__ Moremoremore._I had never felt this before, hadn't even done this when pleasing myself. How could I have missed out on something like this? „Captain, take me now!"

He seemed happy to oblige, unable to hold back a low grunt when he again tried to enter me. He pushed harder this time while I held him tightly, my fingers digging into his back. Finally he slid inside me – long, hard and hot.

„Ah!" I couldn't suppress a cry. It was a bit more painful than I'd expected.

He paused. „Tintin, if you want me to stop..."

„No, no! Don't stop!" I embraced him with my legs as well. „Please..." My fantasies were coming true this very moment! He was fucking me _for_ _real_, great snakes! This mustn't stop.

He began to move, slowing thrusting forth and back; and again he hit that mysterious spot that sent shivers of arousal through me. I couldn't contain my voice any longer, gasping and moaning with every move. It still hurt a little, but I was already dizzy with pleasure, wanting more.

„Ah, Captain...!" Speaking was getting difficult. „I want... go faster..."

„Just a moment." He hesistated, and caressed my face.

„What...?" I protested.

„Need a moment... or I won't last", he said, leaning down to kiss me.

We kissed hungrily as if we hadn't seen each other in years; my tongue playing aggressively with his. His beard felt too rough against my face but I didn't care.

Eventually he continued moving inside me, this time harder. I moved along in rhythm with him as much as my trembling body would allow. „Yes, yes", I gasped, feeling myself getting even more excited and sweaty. He proceeded to move faster, forcing unrestrained moans from my mouth. The dizzy feeling was threatening to overwhelm me, my entire body ready for release. Even more so when I felt Haddock's hand around my erection, working me until I knew I couldn't hold back anymore.

My back arched under Haddock's body as I felt the bottled-up tension erupt.

_Mon dieu!_

I sank back into the pillows, exhausted, hot and sweaty. Dizziness hadn't overtaken me as I had feared; I was just tired. There was a lot of sticky wetness covering my stomach. _I__ hope __it __won't __get __onto __the__ bedsheets._

The Captain stopped his thrusts, and I felt a curious twitching inside me. Through my half-closed eyes I looked up to see his face showing an expression I'd never seen before, and realized he was climaxing. I had probably pulled the same face moments ago. Then he let himself fall into the bed next to me, exhausted as if he'd just walked through the desert.

Happy but too tired to talk, I curled up next to him, inhaling the smell of sweat and tobacco. Something hot and sticky was trickling from between my thighs. Great snakes, he actually came inside me? So much for the bedsheets staying clean. I closed my eyes, ready to fall asleep.

.

.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, maybe one hour. We were still in bed, tired but blissfully satisfied. He was still more tired than me (Of course, he'd done most of the hard work), but again ready to listen to me.

„You won't believe it, Captain!" I was enthusiastic about the new commission I had gotten, and finally I would tell him. „The _Paris__ Gazette_ wants me to write an article about a haunted forest! In Japan of all places, imagine that!"

„Japan?" He stared at me incredulously.

„Yes! It is called the Aokigahara Forest, and it's said to be haunted by the ghosts of people who committed suicide there. They want me to go there and investigate it – of course, I don't believe in ghosts, but it will still make a captivating story, don't you think? I imagine a headline like _The __Ghosts __of __Aokigahara_. Something eerie-"

„Wait, you're going to _Japan_?"

„Yes, isn't that grand? I've never been there before! In fact, my plane departs next week."

„What? I thought you'd be... as my lover..."

„Of course I am yours, Captain!" I smiled at him and took his hand. „But that doesn't mean I have to spend the rest of my life at Marlinspike, do I?"

„Well..." he mumbled, looking genuinely disappointed. „No, no, of course not..."

„You can come to Japan with me, Captain. I'm sure you'd like it!"

„That demented island crammed full with crazy cracked-up comic reading perverts and raw-fish eaters? Blistering barnacles, why would I set a foot into this Imperialist insane asylum? No thanks!"

„Well, they've got excellent rice wine there. But if you're too scared, I can understand. Aokigahara Forest may not be haunted, but it is creepy, _very_ creepy indeed, judging from what I heard."

„ME, SCARED?" he shouted. „I suppose you think that Captain Haddock's got tomato juice in his veins, eh? No, _you're_ the one who should be scared in that land of yaoi-manga-reading lunatics! D'you imagine for one moment that I'd let a young whippersnapper like you go off alone?"

„But, Captain-!"

„But, but, but... don't start being awkward! I'm going with you, whether you like it or not! And not another word from you, or I stay here!"

- THE END -

.

.

Hope you liked it. This is my first fanfiction in English (not my native language). I hope it was bearable for all you native English speakers out there. Thank you for the reviews!


End file.
